Where did I go?

The only thing I can say is that I smoked.  I did, and I regret it.  But, at the same time, I realize that everyone has their own ways of quitting.  It took me awhile to find the words to say here.

Cold turkey was driving me crazy.  And, I felt even worse if I smoked.  I know there is more to quitting than just stopping.  I've had to teach myself to say "no" when offered, I've had to teach myself to deal with a craving instead of just giving in, I've had to avoid situations where smoking is a habit...  Most importantly though, I've had to learn that smoking doesn't define who I am.

I've always thought smoking cigarettes was part of me.  My parents both smoke, my favorite people smoke, I loved the smell of it, I loved how I felt/looked...  Even so, those feelings varied between the good (i.e. the thoughts I just listed) and the bad (the smell, it looks unattractive, it's unhealthy, it's addictive, it's expensive, I was setting a bad example...).  Maybe this sounds ridiculous, but the one emotion I have the hardest time overcoming is the image in my head.  It is classic, feminine, sophisticated, lovely, musked, bitter, attractive, intelligent, sexy... 

Smoking cigarettes is not analagous to these things! 

In fact, you know as well as I that smoking makes you look like shit, smell like shit and sound like shit.  So, why the hell can't I overcome this one last remaining bit of my addiction?



Give me some feedback.  What is your honest opinion about smoking and people who smoke?  Also, do you feel differently about smoking when you see a young, handsome person (above) versus some nasty hag at the Ram's Horn?